Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an approach to couples therapy that is based on attachment theory and neurobiology.
In EFT, emotion is experienced as a powerful agent of change in the therapy process. The work is a collaborative, experiential approach between the therapist and the couple or family members.
It is a dance of leading and following. By fortifying each partners’ capacity for empathy, EFT helps couples harness the power of emotion. This helps develop loving, deeply communicative, and connected relationships.
What makes Emotionally Focused Therapy special?
I love Emotionally Focused Therapy. Why? Emotionally Focused Therapy is based on “True Communication”. It brings forward much, much more than processing and talking. Emotionally Focused Therapy weaves feelings, expressions, and your own conclusions about yourself and your partner. This work illuminates the obstacles, the way partners get stuck with one another that prevents “True Expression”. It is not primarily an attempt to engage the cognitive brain in “figuring it all out”.
By way of analogy, I tell clients to imagine they are stuck in a box. Unfortunately, the directions to getting out of there are written on the outside of the box. Once you get out of the box, you can read the directions for yourself. Not too helpful, is it?
Most of the people who come in to see me have tried everything they could think of, but nothing really worked.
In EFT, we focus on the present, instead of rehashing childhood history, and the ‘whys’ of how the current issues came to be.
It is true that our past experiences shape a lot of the present. However, trying to fix issues while focusing on the past can often backfire.
Focusing on the here and now can reveal the obstacles to deep communication and connectedness. These obstacles are often rooted in pain and frustration. When we have not felt understood or welcomed by the one(s) we love most, we often begin to foster resentment.
Together, we can work through these obstacles until we naturally move to a safe and liberated space where we can just be with our loved ones.
We develop “emotional currency”. When problems arise in the future, you will be able to work through them with a sense of security and acceptance.
I am a member of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, the Northern California Community for Emotionally Focused Therapy, and the Greater Sacramento-Davis EFT Center.
If you have been struggling as a couple, please feel free to reach out and see if we are a good fit. Most of my clients are from Santa Rosa and Petaluma, or surrounding areas. To get started with Emotionally Focused Therapy, give me a call or just fill out the contact form and click Send.Please share this post!